When It's Heavy

Have you ever just found yourself staring into the void? Surrounded by wonderful and beautiful things, things that make you smile, but somehow it all just seems so heavy? When instead of going inside the house, you sit in your car in the silence because you don't feel like moving? And no, before you go and ask, Ariana, are you depressed? Let me tell you, I am far from that! Sometimes things feel, well...heavy. And here's the thing, I loooove to talk, the Lord dropped a few extra drops of the "gift of gab" on me. And yet, I find that I clamp up tighter than a corset from the 1800's, keeping the inner thoughts and monologues to me myself and I. You know it's interesting because as I recognized that heavy feeling, I started to do some digging within myself to figure out what seems to be the culprit. Some of it is personal, things I'm having to walk out with the Lord, some of it is just the normal day-to-day things, some of it is the weight of ministry, some the weight of being a wife, and some just the weight of being human in it's purest form. And I thought to myself, Ariana, come on girl snap out of it. But then the Holy Spirit quickly jumped into my conversation and reminded me that it's okay to feel heavy because He can handle it. Sometimes it's not as simple as telling yourself to "snap out of it". Sometimes it's having to work through things with the Lord, sometimes it's having to learn a lesson in that heavy place. The Holy Spirit was quick to tell me that maybe part of the heaviness I'm feeling is because I have refused to let go of some things that He's been asking me to lay down, that part of the problem is ME. How rude of me! And yet how true. How many things are weighing you down, that you so desperately want to put down, but you're holding onto far too tightly?

We are in the Fall season (maybe not in Texas...we will have it for maybe five minutes lol) But I grew up in New England, where the fall was magnificent! The way the air smelled and how crisp it was, the vast array of breathtaking colors as the leaves turned from green into a symphony of fire tones. There is nothing quite like a New England fall. But soon the colors begin to fade and the leaves wither away and gently begin to fall to the ground for their annual shedding. The limbs on the trees are left bare and naked, still beautiful in their way, making room for the purest of snow to cover them in a blanket until spring awakens. Maybe we should follow suit and be like the trees. Maybe we should let the beautiful things have their moment of being seen and admired, but when it's time for things to go, we allow them to fall from us with minimal effort. Maybe the trees have known all along that the secret for new things to come forth, is to let go of the beautiful things they had because there are seasons to be had. And they don't all look the same. I'm reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Hear me out, it's perfectly okay if you are in a heavy season. Why? Because it's a learning season! It's learning to well...be a tree. Learn that it's okay to hold onto things for a little while, but when it's time and the wind of change starts blowing, allow those things that you're holding so tightly onto to float off of you and down towards the ground. The Lord told us that His yoke is easy and His burden is light, allow Him the honor of making what's heavy, light. Allow Him to bring you to a place where new things can be birthed, where dreams can be awoken, and maybe what you're holding onto will come back in the spring, with newness and refreshing, wild and free to thrive in that warm summer sun. Sometimes it's just not in season, and we can't hold onto something that isn't in season, because it can't thrive when it's not the right time. I want my season to be in His timing, not my own.

I leave you with this. I read a quote that said, "Though a tree grows so high, the falling leaves return to the root." So though it may be heavy now, learn from the leaves, learn to let go and fall to the root, our source of life. I know I am.