The Art of Saying "No"

Now I know what all of you are thinking. "I don't like to say no... It's not easy for me to say no, Ariana." Take it from a former people pleaser, I 100% understand that, but I want to share with you the beauty of learning to say, no.

For as long as I can remember I have been a people pleaser, always putting others' needs before mine. And hear me out, there is nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing wrong with putting others' needs before your own from time to time. But putting yourself on the back burner constantly is not a healthy trait to have in life. Why? I am so glad that you asked, lemme splain'. You. Will. Burn. Out. Not only that, but your body could start to revolt and not operate to its full potential. And I have had personal experience with all of the above, and I don't want to see any of you have to run that awful, never-ending hampster wheel of doom. Look y'all, God himself took a break to rest after creating the world, and Jesus took naps...if they can do that, so can YOU! "But Ariana, I don't want to miss out on everything, and I hate disappointing people!" Mhmm, I get you sister friend, I get you. But at what cost? Is it truly worth your peace, your precious time, your rest, your mental, emotional, and yes, even your spiritual health? Look, I am all for adventures and doing all the things with all my friends, all the time. But there has to come a point where you take a moment to step back and evaluate where you are in life in all these things. And if you don't, I sure do hope that you have some amazing friends in your life who can call out the things they see in your life that are leading you down a path towards that hampster wheel; and or they reach out to swipe you off that crazy wheel. Because I know that I have some of those friends, and they have taught me the beauty of saying, no. Has it been easy, oh heck to the no! It's cringeworthy how difficult it's been for me to learn this art. I haven't always got it right, and there is grace in that, so don't be too hard on yourself if you choose to learn this art. My mom has always told me growing up, "Honey, if you fail, fail forward. Don't let what happened keep you from trying again differently, just fail forward and keep going."

I remember a time not too long ago when life was full of adventure after adventure! I was single, had a good job, and was living with my best friend and we wanted to see all the things, do all the things, hang out with all our friends, and live life to the fullest. Until my body started to revolt. When you hit your 30's you think you can still do all the things that you did in your 20s, and stay up as late and still function properly the next morning when you're gulping down your second cup of coffee to make sure you're good and ready for work. Funny how that doesn't work now huh? Nope, my body completely revolted and I quickly realized that I was not doing so hot. My body couldn't catch up and I was constantly getting sick, not getting the correct self-care that I needed for myself in every way. I remember my Pastor pulled me into the office and had a tough conversation with me, he asked me all the things I was committed to and then told me I was doing too much, which was causing my burnout. He advised me to prioritize the things that I was doing and to knock the last few off my list for the time being, to get myself back into good health. I didn't realize just how much I was truly doing until I listed them off. Was it fun or easy? Nope. Because I knew that I was going to let people who were relying on me down, but again, at what cost? Because I was now realizing it was not worth what I was going through physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That was a very valuable lesson that I learned and still think about years after it happened.

I am now in a place in my life, where with the help of some wonderful gal pals who have invested into my life, have helped me to ENJOY, yes I said enjoy, the art of saying 'NO". I promise it will start to get easier, and you will feel good about saying that word. Because there is peace in a decision that you know is best for you. Also, if you truly have some good friendships, they will commend and understand your need to say no and respect that answer without any pressure to change your mind. Those are the types you want to surround yourself with. They are the real MVPs. So friends, say it with me...you ready? NO! One more time for the people in the back, NOOOOOO!!!

I leave you with this. When you partner yourself with the Holy Spirit, he will help you to say that word. And you will be left with peace in your decision. Sometimes it will be super easy to say no, other times it will be hard, and that's okay too. Because at the end of the day, you can't pour from an empty cup, so be sure to check to see how full your cup is before you say yes or no. So go out, have a blast with your girls and have all the adventures, or, stay at home with a great cup of coffee, tea, or cocoa, curl up with a good book, or binge something on Netflix. The possibilities are endless, and the choice to say no is up to you.