Don't Let Me Go

I remember it like it was yesterday, Christmas mornings as a tween in the Nelson home. We had many family traditions growing up that I was so fond of, and I miss doing them now that my sister and I are married adults and have our own Christmas. One tradition, in particular, was our advent book that we read together as a family, it was called Jotham's Journey. To give a brief description it was about a ten-year-old boy who journeyed across Israel to find his family that he'd been separated from. During his journey, he faces thieves, robbers, and kidnappers, along with that, he also encounters the wise men, shepherds, and innkeepers until at last, he finds his way to the baby Jesus who was born in Bethlehem. It truly was a captivating story, and I remember that my parents would take turns reading it each night, engaging my sister and my attention for a little while. We would also light the advent candles as they went along with the story, and end it singing a Christmas song (begrudgingly for my sister mind you lol) to end the night. But, it was always Christmas morning that was a little different, whichever parent would read our last chapter in the story, when that sweet 10-year-old boy finally met Jesus, it was without a doubt that both of my parents would end up crying. My sister and I would always glance at each other when it was nearing the end, trying to determine who would start crying first (typically my dad, who isn't afraid of tears) and we would inwardly chuckle because we knew it would always happen. It's funny because I didn't fully understand why in the world they ALWAYS cried at the end of the story. Phew, man oh man, i do now!

My life has been a beautiful one, full of ups and downs, but it wasn't until I was in my mid 20s that life really gripped me hard and I had some heavy, dark, trying times in my walk with the Lord. Hang in there with me, I promise this will all make sense, friends. I ran, and I ran fast from the Lord for about 3-4 solid years of my life, living a ccounterfeit life, with a facade ornately painted on my face. But Jesus oh my sweet sweet Jesus, He never gave up on me. It wasn't until I finally had burned out on my strength and was at the end of my rope that I finally reached out for the hand that has always held itself out to me. It was just my decision to grab it, instead of drowning. Fast forward to the now 34-year-old Ariana, sitting on the couch next to her husband watching the last episode of The Chosen. *Side note* Yall have GOT to watch this show!

(Don't worry I won't spoil the episode for you...too much) We all know the story well; a stormy night, the disciples are on the boat freaking out, and Jesus comes strolling up to them walking on the storms waves. Peter then says to him, "call me out on the water and I'll come to you", to which Jesus does just that, and Peter's faith moves him to walk on the water, when Peter is close to Jesus, he momentarily takes his eyes off of Jesus and sees the roaring waves of the sea. Peter then begins to sink and cries out for Jesus, and there it was, a hand reaching out for Peter, pulling him from the dark water's grip. Peter clings to Jesus saying, "don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go". Yep, you guessed it, UGLY CROCODILE TEARS are flowing from both my husband and me. I got it now, I truly understood Christmas morning as a tween, watching my parents cry. Jesus. His tender mercies, and overflowing goodness, despite the claws of life.

There was another episode that was a few before the finale of Season 3, that really struck me . In that particular episode there was a scene where Jesus and his disciples were enroute somewhere and a boy with his father who was deaf and mute, came to Jesus, the boy pleaded with Jesus to touch his father. (yes I am already tearing up as I write this) The father looks to Jesus, and with the most tender of touches, a touch that looks to be as gentle as a feather to the skin, Jesus touches the man's eyes, throat, and ears, and holds the man's face as He looks to the heavens. I remember looking over at my husband and going, "can you imagine what it must have felt like to be touched by Jesus? What must it have felt like? Was it warm and comforting, did it feel like a surge of electricity (even though they had no clue what electricity was lol) did it feel cool to the touch if they were iill-stricken? What did it feel like?" And as I sat there pondering my question, I could feel my heart swell...ok ok and my eyes too, and I was jealous at that moment. Trust me, I know that we can feel the Lord, and He can make himself known to us in so many beautiful ways. But gosh, I just want to be face to face with Jesus, able to look into His eyes and know that deep love that He has for me right then and there; to have him hold my face and say what I mean to Him, hearing it with my own two ears. Phew, let that sink in, to actually feel the warmth, and see him in the flesh. What a sight to behold, and thank you Lord that we will get to see our Jesus face to face when we enter into Glory! Christmas morning, it makes sense now. Jesus, our Jesus and his love for us.

For a few weeks now I've been mulling this over and over, and crying every time as the Lord has continued to reveal things to me. I can't say it enough, I can't scream it loud enough, friends. JESUS LOVES YOU SO MUCH! I can't even fathom the depth of His love for us. There are no words or feelings to describe it except for awe & wonder. Out of everything that I have written, I implore you to grasp that one thing above in all caps. Jesus loves you, He loves you in the middle of your mess, in the middle of your hurt, in the middle of your anger, in the middle of your confusion, in the middle of your ugliness, in the middle of your hate, He loves you in all of it, the highs AND the lows. Don't let this life pass you by without knowing the depth of His love, or never knowing the warmth of His touch, He is worth it all, sweet friends. So with me say this, "Don't let me go, Jesus. May I forever cling to you until the day I feel you cling to me and see the love in your eyes for me."

Jesus loves me. This I fully know.